"Baby Steps"

I jump into the driver's seat and close my eyes.  Tears.  My eyes fill with disappointment.  Another audition out the window.  Truth be told, I don't know that for sure.  But I still get the sinking feeling of leaving the audition knowing that I did my best, but it's not what they are looking for.

Two hours.  Yes.  That is how long it takes to get dolled up, hair done, outfit selected, jewelry on and oh by the way the minutia of trimming my resume to fit the back of the headshot and then the drive to the studio. The audition? 10 seconds.  2 minutes if you count filling out the paperwork.  Then to the set, snap, snap, snap.  Look this way, look that (which almost feels like the mug shot I've never had) and "ok, thanks! You're done".  I wish the crew well. Maybe shake some hands if the people look like they won't kill me if I do.  Just trying to be courteous... I appreciate it when people offer that to me.  Then, off to the car I go.

Back to the driver's seat.  What am I so sad about?  Maybe the disappointment.  Maybe the stress of getting it all together early in the morning.  Or maybe it's the continued dead end feeling because the break through has yet to come.

It's so hard wanting something so badly and feeling like it is out there; a dangling carrot that I just... can't... reach.  Incidentally, not many can.  But, there is someone who gets it.  It's just not me. ... or just not yet.

Dreams.  They are as much painful as they are pleasurable.  I heard something on the radio today that was helpful.  "A person strives all their lives to get somewhere and they finally do, they are at the end of their life and there is nothing left."  Helpful? Well, maybe slightly dismal.  Helpful came in the second part. The preacher went on: "Don't be so focused on your career that you miss the gifts God's given to you."

This reminded me of a blog I wrote recently, "Along the way", which describes how we find what means the most in our lives along the route to the goal and when we get to the goal it's not all it's cracked up to be.  But we do find what we are looking for... maybe not at the goal line, but along the way.

So, I took a turn and drove through the pretty areas alongside the lake.  Smelling the roses per se, drive by style.  It's true.  There is so much out there that is not "on the career path" that is wanting.  It wants us to find it, embrace it, enjoy it.  It's the cup of coffee at the sidewalk cafe or the sandwich on the Spanish stairs.  It's allowing life to show you incredible things if only we'd take a minute, let the dream fly it's own way and watch between the lines.

I was praying about this whole matter this morning and felt as though I just needed to break the whole thing down into baby steps.  If you are a "What about Bob?" movie fan, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.  I love that movie.

Bill Murray is an overrun-with-anxiety individual.  Actually, this description really doesn't even do justice to the amount of anxiety he faces.  None the less, Bob becomes fixated on his new counselor, Richard Dreyfus, who's sole mission is to enjoy his vacation... and to enjoy it away from Bob, who has now tracked him down.

Richard has given his book "Baby Steps" to Bob and it is life changing.  The premise shows Bob that he just has to take one thing at a time.  Bob takes these steps, finds Richard and along the way, becomes head over heels with Richard's family, his town and the community.  Bob becomes sane and Richard... well....

In any case, Bob's first step leads to the next and so on.  Before you know it, the goal has been met along the way--not necessarily at the finish line.  Baby Steps.  It still makes me laugh.

And I needed that.  I need to remember the old saying: "God leads in inches, not miles."  I can't get all lost in the fact that the goal isn't here, isn't now, but must refocus my efforts on my inch or my baby step for the day. What can I do today that will lead to another baby step tomorrow?

This is great progress.  I feel better already.  But other thoughts set off.

Add joy to my day.  Add peace to my day.  Add encouraging another to my day.  These aren't tasks, nor to do's to rush through.  These are things to enjoy and to embrace.

Hm.  Once again, I've gotten myself into the motivational, get-me-to-my-goal drive mode and the real Driver of my life takes a turn down the lakeside.  I think about my husband and what I can do for him, or my friend who's relationship is falling apart, or how I can bring dinner to someone who is moving.  I also think about that cup of coffee I really want to enjoy in the sunshine with my dogs.

Why not do these things? These are the things that feed my soul.  I get so caught up in the trap of achieving what I think will satisfy me only to undo the curlers and find disappointment.

And maybe that is exactly what I'm doing: setting myself up for disappointment.  If I focus solely on the goal line and driving all forces towards that, then I'm going to miss everything else.  Even if I am just setting my mind around the goal and not thinking about anything else but the goal, then I've already missed out on a great amount.

No doubt getting to your dreams takes sacrifice and takes hard work.  Understand and agree.  But, why can't an individual take a little more time to meet the dream so that the real love of life can bloom?  In other words: get my head off of the goal line and wrap my heart around others.

The tears come back again.  The lies of the evil one say to me: "Doesn't matter, you'll never get there." But the truth of the matter is: "I will if that is where God wants me."  So, what do I do today?  I follow and love the Lord God with all of my heart, soul and strength, Deut. 6:5.  I do the things that He lays on my heart and follow Him.  If He has called me to something, it is His job (not mine) to get me there.  I am responsible to obey but am not responsible to lead.

Phillipians 1:6:  "That He who began a good work in you, will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus".

Ephesians 2:10: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

So, I hold back the tears and am going to make that cup of coffee and sit with my dogs in the sunshine. I'm going to call another, offer encouragement and after my break, get back to that baby step that I can achieve today.  Heck, I'm already dolled up, why not?

Poolside

It seems like it about two milliseconds after I wake up, my brain decides to do a "software update" and download my task list for the day.  Gotta do this, need to email that, oh yes, I forgot this needs to be done and so on.  Then, lucky for me, I instantly get another download of subsequent task items.

Suddenly those thoughts become like children running around in circles by the pool where all you want to say (and yell) is "Sit down!!"  That is what I, figuratively, did this morning. I told my thoughts: "Sit down."

I envisioned each thought as a child. I placed that "child" in a lawn chair and said: "Stay!"  I pointed my finger at it too.  I then militantly walked down the aisle of chairs keeping an eye on all these "children".  I was going to deal with them one by one.

This felt much better than the usual SPLAT that seems to land across my brain in the mornings.  I feel overwhelmed, out of breath and great, I'm not even out of bed yet.  I may not even have a lot to do.  But, the thought of something undone looms and bothers me into anxiety until it is completed.

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you, (1 Peter 5:7)."  Let's be honest here.  This is a constant battle.  My anxious thoughts don't want to go to the Lord for processing.  They want to go to me.  They beckon and bark at me until the matter is resolved.  They don't want the peace of the Lord.  Like children, they want attention and want it N-O-W!!!

Anxiety demands our urgent reaction.  Out of control anxiety overtakes us, ultimately causing us to be impulsive and potentially irrational at times.  It is almost like we have to bow down to it and just give in for the madness to stop.  Like the insane child that runs around the pool without any caution so is anxiety without boundaries.  It is all consuming.

I recently read Isaiah 44: 6-23 about the gods that others bowed to which were formed from logs of wood and other earthen materials.  Isaiah is keen to illustrate how odd it is that people bow and worship these gods who "...know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see, and their minds closed so they cannot understand," (Is. 44:18 NASB).  It doesn't seem like in this day and age that worshipping a block of wood is everyman's struggle.  Most of our gods that obsess our minds are other people: people you might know, or people you don't like like celebrities, sports figures or politicians.  Images of others and the consuming thoughts that are cultivated when viewing these images could be considered a potential god too.  But what about other intangible gods? What struggles does our culture predominately face?

We are a culture that is BUSY.  Insanely incredibly busy.  If we aren't running, it feels like something is wrong with us.  People encourage rest, but it can be very hard to give ourselves permission to do so.  Being busy could be a god.

Let's look at anxiety.  It could be a god too.  I knew a person who'd ask: "Well, how's that working for you?"  Meaning, we dwell in something that works for us until it no longer works for us, be it positive and/or be it negative.  And incidentally, since breed more of the same, (positivity breeds positivity and negativity breeds negativity) wouldn't we stay in one or the other because that's what we are used to?  If being negative works for us, then we are likely going to continue to do it.  If we are continually anxious and it works for us, then it is likely we'll continue in that too.

Hold the phone. Anxiety doesn't work for us.  Maybe the adrenaline that occurs in the rush of something is a temporary help, but it's damaging if it is a permanent one.  Maybe this is why the Lord so wisely said: Give your anxious thoughts to me because I care for you.  I.E. He'll take care of it.

So, what if instead of allowing anxiety to consume my every fiber do I turn it into the Lord and say "Peace be still! God you take it, deal with it.  I am NOT going to worry about it." And with each reoccurrence of that anxious thought you allow it to float on by and send it to the Lord?  I have been on a trek where I've seen this happen and it works EVERYTIME.  I'm not kidding.  I'm amazed... but I really should have just assumed that God would work it out.  Why did I try to handle it myself?

Another thought.  Many teachers wisely instruct us to dwell on "Who we are in Christ".  Who does Christ say we are and how can we be more like Him?  Today I considered: "Who am I in anxiety? What does anxiety say about me and how am I going to be more like it."  Ick.  I didn't really like these thoughts.  Further, it shocked me that even though I'd like to say I don't give power to worry or fear, I really do. I allow it to manifest itself in me, attach and shake me till I'm nuts.  Who am I in anxiety? A person running around with her head cut off, fearful and conflicted.  Who am I in Christ? A person who is grounded, steady, allowing nothing to move her and at peace.

It's a big battle to cross from the side of dwelling in anxiety to the side of dwelling in Christ, but this is a battle worth fighting.  It will prolong your life and lead to peace.  Peace that can be best described from a phrase of the song: "It is Well with My Soul"*.  "When peace like a river attendeth my way..." Dwelling in Christ, not in anxiety, is the side where the children at the pool play nicely and don't have to be barked down so they stay put.  Fighting the battle of giving anxiety to the Lord is overall far greater and far more worthwhile than the battle of wrestling and focusing on the anxiety itself.  Remember a god is what you make of it.  "Shall I bow down to a block of wood?" (Is. 44:19).

So, who or what is that in your life? Give yourself the litmus test of finding out Who am I in this god? Ask Christ to change and forgive you from these idolatrous ways, asking Him to fill them with Himself.  Release these anxious thoughts to our Lord and be refreshed in all who Christ is, because He has given us permission to do so.

You may even want to try sitting by the pool.

"Do Not Worry" Matthew 6:25-34

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?

²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

What are your thoughts?


*"It Is Well with My Soul" Horatio G. Spafford, 1873.
© 2013 Candice Irion.   All rights reserved.

Salt in an Open Wound

I hate ulcers.  I don't know anyone who likes them.  They pop up after I've indulged in one too many delicious coffees.  I guess the acid does it?

Ulcers seem to develop right on the tip of my tongue or a place inside my cheek.  The wrong stupid spot if you ask me.  I have trouble talking, chewing, ugh.  The pain radiates.

People tell me : "drink with warm salt water."  Are you kidding me? That's disgusting.  I hate doing that.  But the ulcer was becoming monstrous and I couldn't take the pain anymore. So I decided to do it.  I figured if salt can take down an innocent slug, then it can slay my bothersome ulcer.

I put some salt on a plate and stuck my tongue down right on it.  Nothing at first then, OW!  I rinsed with salt water. To my surprise, the little white ulcer turned clear.  The pain deadened a bit.  I guess it is the same premise as the slug.  It takes a while, then BAM.  It sure hurts.

Salt in an open wound is an odd way to deal with matters.  For one thing, it hurts like the dickens and secondly, did I mention it's painful?  I guess that is how the cliche term came about.  It's painful when something is trying to heal and their is a resistance to it.

This reminded me of a passage I pondered earlier.  I started thinking of Luke 19:41 where Christ is outside Jerusalem and weeps over it.  Then, in Luke 13:34, He expresses His sorrow for Jerusalem: "How often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!" How John 3:16: "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.," is juxtaposed with verse 19 of the same passage: "Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.  Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed."  People just won't accept God's free gift of grace.

I can imagine a potential dialogue between these people and God:

God

I made a way for you.  Come home.  

Us

Nope. I'm good. 

God

My Son was brutally murdered for you to have this.  

Us

So? 

[Then we walk off.]

Ouch!  I'd say that is salt in an open wound.  Salt in the very bloody hole in Christ's wrist from the nail that crucified Him.

What's our problem anyway?  Why do we have such resistance to loving God and accepting His gift?  There are a million reasons for why we don't accept Him, His promises and/or struggle to believe the love and hope He offers. An entire list just downloaded in my brain: pride, anger, strife, disappointment, arrogance, you name it.  But, when it boils down to it: it's salt in the wound.

I can envision someone of the physical characteristics of Christ sitting outside of the city, maybe on a mule, maybe underneath a huge tree and there before Him is the glistening skyline of Jerusalem.  Maybe the day is pretty.  But the weather inside this man's heart?  Torment.  I can imagine Him saying: "How much I want them to come.  I love them.  But they won't come."

Boy, my heart breaks for someone in this situation.  Unrequited love is what the British call it.  Love that is towed out there on the line and not only not returned, but intensely rejected.

Not to mention all the back talk and wicked things people were saying about Christ.  I wonder if that bothered Him.  It would sure bother the heck out of me.  Obviously, He has an incredibly different way of dealing with things.  Still.  I wonder if it hurt him.

So, friends.  Let us not pour salt in to the wound that was meant to save our lives.  Let us love the hands that bled for us.  Let us love the One who sent His Son to pay the price.  Let us love our good God for loving us so much to save this evil world, our wicked hearts so that we would come home.

Let us love our God and say thank you.




© 2013 Candice Irion.  All Rights Reserved.

Don't Miss This

The onset of February does something that January doesn't.  It makes me realize: it's really another year and it's already a month into it.  How time flies.

I reflect on where my life is now, where it is going and where I've been.  I think about my walk with the Lord: where it has been, where it is going.  I look at other facets of life and evaluate the same thing, analyzing the ebb and flows of jobs, relationships, friends and life.

A new thought occurred: What am I allowing to get in the way? What consumes my thoughts the most? My answer rather starttled me.

Through it all, I see a pattern: when times get busy, it is harder to spend time with those I love and with God.  Somehow the demands of my job, stresses of circumstance and the potential emotions involved cloud my view.  It might cloud my sense of knowledge about God and His promises.  It might cloud my feelings toward God, our Father and His promises.  It might do both.

Or, it might completely cloud my ability to truly enjoy time with others when I'm not focused on it.  I'm one of those solvers, wrap everything in a nice bow type people.  When it ain't wrapped so well or at all, thoughts constantly swarm of how to fix it.  It could be about anything.  It could be about family, traffic, a conflict, a test, a project, a calling.

A calling.  That's a big one. Many of us feel a sense of calling in our lives, where we wrap our lives around this one thing and strive to make something happen.  But in this calling and all the things that consume us, may we not miss the Caller.  May we not just go through the motions of toiling, striving and lifting heavy loads without fulfilling the ultimate commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength," (Deut. 6:5).

Such is the irony where we can be yearning and doing all that we can to get to our "Promised Lands" where we miss the very One who wants to lead us there.  In the Old Testament, God often appeared in "a cloud of smoke".  To Moses, this was on Mt. Sinai.  While he went up the mountain, Israel became idolatrous, burning gold to a god that they made with their own hands.  All that god did was take. It never gave.

But, our God does. And Israel missed it entirely! They spent 40 years circling a mountain, complaining about the manna while the God they desired was right there at the top of Mt. Sinai, and none the less, had promised to lead them to the Promised Land.

In our lives, what mountain are we going through the motions to climb? In the process of walking in the calling where we feel led, are we also fulfilling the calling that is commanded of us in Deut. 6:5?

If we aren't or even if we are, let us start the year anew.  Let us love God with all our hearts. Simple right? Oddly, these days, not so much.

It seems that nowadays many are consumer Christians where all they do is take and take and take from God.  They zoom off, maybe throw God a "Thanks!" in the dust and then show Him little to no love.  That type of relationship doesn't work for long between us humans.  I'm thankful that between us and God, He has incredible patience and pursues us back to a loving relationship with Him.

Hosea got the reality show version of this when his wife trotted her boots out to other mens' bed.  What's a guy like Hosea to do? Toggle back to Hosea 2 where God revealed to Hosea that He knew the feeling. Israel had done the same thing to Him: " 'She decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot,' declares the Lord," (Hos. 2:13 NASB).  Incidentally, we have done the same dang thing too.

Yes, I said it.  We have done the same thing in many ways.  We have played the harlot with our jobs, relationships, material things, or whatever, setting these things before God, loving the creation more than the creator, (Rom. 1:21).

Oouuuccchhh!  How could this happen? How could things/people/(you fill in the blank) come in between ourselves and God?

It's because things in this world constantly beckon our attention, emotions and time away from praising the One who gave us this life.  (That's Satan's evil plan, mind you).  But, overall, I'm thankful that according to Romans 8:38-39, God doesn't let this go on for long.  He won't let anything stand in the way of His love and pursues us back.

Go back to what God told Hosea: Buy her back.  Excuse me?  Did they have "buy back days" in that time? Probably not, but none-the-less, God commanded Hosea to go buy his prostitute wife back and reconcile with her.  Yes, He did.

"Then said the Lord unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the Lord toward the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love flagons of wine," (Hos. 3:1 KJV).

And this is what God did with you and me.  Except this time, God didn't exchange a mound of shekels to buy us back.  No, He paid the price in full with the death of His son.

"While we are still sinners, Christ died for us," (Rom. 5:8, NIV).
 "... He first loved us," (1 John 4:19).

Read how He reconciled Israel: "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.  There I will give her back her vineyards and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope..... I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice in love and compassion.  I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord," (Hos. 2: 14-15; 19-20, NASB).

Wow. Amazing love that the Lord, our God, has for us.

Bottom line, calling, or whatever is going on, we can't miss the calling to love God with all our hearts. Let nothing stand in our way in showing Him our sincere thankfulness for His gift on the cross, for His provision over our lives and His providential care to us.  How could we life this life on earth and miss the experience of loving God and being loved by Him?

So, my friend, this day and every day, whatever you feel called to do, don't miss the calling of loving God.  His whisper beckons our ears to visit with Him and show our admiration, sincerity and rest.

Want a case and point? My doggies just came to the door wanting to go outside.  Just as I was giving the older dog some love, I told her: I know you are going to runaway, but I still love you. I let her go outside, kept my eye on her and then called her back home.



© 2013 Candice Irion.  All Rights Reserved.