Two hours. Yes. That is how long it takes to get dolled up, hair done, outfit selected, jewelry on and oh by the way the minutia of trimming my resume to fit the back of the headshot and then the drive to the studio. The audition? 10 seconds. 2 minutes if you count filling out the paperwork. Then to the set, snap, snap, snap. Look this way, look that (which almost feels like the mug shot I've never had) and "ok, thanks! You're done". I wish the crew well. Maybe shake some hands if the people look like they won't kill me if I do. Just trying to be courteous... I appreciate it when people offer that to me. Then, off to the car I go.
Back to the driver's seat. What am I so sad about? Maybe the disappointment. Maybe the stress of getting it all together early in the morning. Or maybe it's the continued dead end feeling because the break through has yet to come.
It's so hard wanting something so badly and feeling like it is out there; a dangling carrot that I just... can't... reach. Incidentally, not many can. But, there is someone who gets it. It's just not me. ... or just not yet.
Dreams. They are as much painful as they are pleasurable. I heard something on the radio today that was helpful. "A person strives all their lives to get somewhere and they finally do, they are at the end of their life and there is nothing left." Helpful? Well, maybe slightly dismal. Helpful came in the second part. The preacher went on: "Don't be so focused on your career that you miss the gifts God's given to you."
This reminded me of a blog I wrote recently, "Along the way", which describes how we find what means the most in our lives along the route to the goal and when we get to the goal it's not all it's cracked up to be. But we do find what we are looking for... maybe not at the goal line, but along the way.
So, I took a turn and drove through the pretty areas alongside the lake. Smelling the roses per se, drive by style. It's true. There is so much out there that is not "on the career path" that is wanting. It wants us to find it, embrace it, enjoy it. It's the cup of coffee at the sidewalk cafe or the sandwich on the Spanish stairs. It's allowing life to show you incredible things if only we'd take a minute, let the dream fly it's own way and watch between the lines.
I was praying about this whole matter this morning and felt as though I just needed to break the whole thing down into baby steps. If you are a "What about Bob?" movie fan, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. I love that movie.
Bill Murray is an overrun-with-anxiety individual. Actually, this description really doesn't even do justice to the amount of anxiety he faces. None the less, Bob becomes fixated on his new counselor, Richard Dreyfus, who's sole mission is to enjoy his vacation... and to enjoy it away from Bob, who has now tracked him down.
Richard has given his book "Baby Steps" to Bob and it is life changing. The premise shows Bob that he just has to take one thing at a time. Bob takes these steps, finds Richard and along the way, becomes head over heels with Richard's family, his town and the community. Bob becomes sane and Richard... well....
In any case, Bob's first step leads to the next and so on. Before you know it, the goal has been met along the way--not necessarily at the finish line. Baby Steps. It still makes me laugh.
And I needed that. I need to remember the old saying: "God leads in inches, not miles." I can't get all lost in the fact that the goal isn't here, isn't now, but must refocus my efforts on my inch or my baby step for the day. What can I do today that will lead to another baby step tomorrow?
This is great progress. I feel better already. But other thoughts set off.
Add joy to my day. Add peace to my day. Add encouraging another to my day. These aren't tasks, nor to do's to rush through. These are things to enjoy and to embrace.
Hm. Once again, I've gotten myself into the motivational, get-me-to-my-goal drive mode and the real Driver of my life takes a turn down the lakeside. I think about my husband and what I can do for him, or my friend who's relationship is falling apart, or how I can bring dinner to someone who is moving. I also think about that cup of coffee I really want to enjoy in the sunshine with my dogs.
Why not do these things? These are the things that feed my soul. I get so caught up in the trap of achieving what I think will satisfy me only to undo the curlers and find disappointment.
And maybe that is exactly what I'm doing: setting myself up for disappointment. If I focus solely on the goal line and driving all forces towards that, then I'm going to miss everything else. Even if I am just setting my mind around the goal and not thinking about anything else but the goal, then I've already missed out on a great amount.
No doubt getting to your dreams takes sacrifice and takes hard work. Understand and agree. But, why can't an individual take a little more time to meet the dream so that the real love of life can bloom? In other words: get my head off of the goal line and wrap my heart around others.
The tears come back again. The lies of the evil one say to me: "Doesn't matter, you'll never get there." But the truth of the matter is: "I will if that is where God wants me." So, what do I do today? I follow and love the Lord God with all of my heart, soul and strength, Deut. 6:5. I do the things that He lays on my heart and follow Him. If He has called me to something, it is His job (not mine) to get me there. I am responsible to obey but am not responsible to lead.
Phillipians 1:6: "That He who began a good work in you, will carry it onto completion until the day of Christ Jesus".
Ephesians 2:10: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
So, I hold back the tears and am going to make that cup of coffee and sit with my dogs in the sunshine. I'm going to call another, offer encouragement and after my break, get back to that baby step that I can achieve today. Heck, I'm already dolled up, why not?
