It’s Time to Face the Music: It’s Time to Take the Dog to the Vet

I’ll cut right to the chase.  There are certain issues that I don’t like to face head on-- or at all.  But, when the issue hoists itself right in front of you with no leaving in sight, the time has come.  The issue must be dealt with.

I’ve finally come to the point where I have to take my doggie, Nala, to the doctor.  

Every now and then, she gets this limp in her front left paw.  She hasn’t sprained, broken or hurt it.  It’s just for some reason or another, it affects her for a few days then passes.  That’s not the case now.  Her limp has now lasted for three weeks.  I was hoping after two it would be gone, which is the longest it would have ever been around.  Last week, it looked like it was getting better.  So we decided to give it one more week.  But it is still here.

Then, a few days ago, I discovered a mass on Nala’s back left thigh.  A mass?  It just swelled out of nowhere.  We reasoned that maybe it was a result of Nala’s limp and the extra strain on her other legs.  We hoped that would go away.  It’s gone down, but it’s still there too.

So, I made the appointment.  It was time.  And I have to say, I’m nervous about the issue.  I’m nervous of the cost.  I’m nervous of the road ahead.  I’m nervous for my poor Nala….

She’s such a sweet dog.  Sometimes I call her “Mama Nala” for she loves to give her big sister kisses, loves to cuddle up next to you and if you are sad, she knows it.  She is a caretaker. She’s the type who just wants to sit in your lap and is completely content doing so. 

Ever since the day I met her, that’s just how she was.  

I also call her “My Little Shadow” because she walks alongside me everywhere.  Many others have their own names for Nala, although, they are not so nice because they make fun of her for being shy and a chicken at times, especially when the Hispanic kitty took a swipe at her.  Nala is also not your “hey look at me” pretty poster dog.  But, for all the rumples on the outside, it’s the looks that she gives you that melt your heart.  She loves to love and she loves well. For all of her, I just love her. 

I think God sees us in the same way too. 

“We love Him because He first loved us,” (1 John 4:19 NKJV).

"They will be my people and I will be their God," (Jeremiah 32:38, NIV).

“If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. 

As it is, you do not belong to the world, 

but I have chosen you out of the world,” (John 15:19, NIV). 

God loves us for all of our good and our bad; He loves our pretty parts and even loves us in our ugly ones too.  He loves our ugly because we are His. 

Which brings me to our ugly sides.  It seems that we are all ugly in many ways: inside, outside, in our heads, in our hearts.  All of us have hurts, wounds, scars, shame.  We all have moments of glorious victory from what drags us down, but then somehow we find ourselves off the band wagon and back into the pit from which God drug us.  Low-points hit us at the most unguarded moment, which is probably why they got us.  My ugly recently got the better side of me too.

After a heated argument, I found myself in a place I haven’t been for years.  I found myself thinking things that I thought were long gone.   I still feel remorse for things I said, did… but especially, for what I thought about myself.  I look back and wonder: how did I get back here?  

It’s no secret that I’m a perfectionist.  I’m a Type-A, overachiever, over-responsible, detail and deadline driven firstborn that won’t let a ball drop.  When there is a problem, I over analyze every statement, situation and solution.  The key word here is: over.

So when it comes to blame, my perfectionist default setting is to over-blame myself.  A few years past, this destructive thinking near killed me.  While I was continually taking on more than my fair share of the blame, another also played into this vortex by constantly heaping every bit of the wrong done in the relationship onto me.  As if that wasn’t enough, they soon rejected and abandoned me.  I became incredibly stuck on this fault line that I “clearly” caused and pretty much wanted to die.  At the time, there was no way I could see through this spell-bounding whirlwind of blame, for my perfectionistic perspective was playing every hand possible to make me believe that everything was, in fact, all my fault. Whew! Can you say dizzy? Those were some really hard times and it took the divine hand of God to pull me out.

I then diligently installed boundaries around this thinking with hopes of never revisiting it again.  And I didn't... for a very... long... while...  But then, out of nowhere, SLAM! I got sucker punched.  This type of thinking crouched right at my doorstep just waiting for that instant when I let my guard down.  Then, BAM! BAM! BAM! Down the blame-perfectionaist spiral I go.  AGH!!! I feel like I’ve been sober for years, only to have fallen off the band wagon.  My fall really hurt too. 

On one side of the matter, I’m really thankful that we can never fall so far that we are out of the hands of grace.  For God’s hands of grace are always there to lift us back up.  Boy, do I ever need that! But on another side, I’m starting to see that I’m almost no different than Nala with her limp and mass.  Looking at it from a figurative approach, I had to wonder if I am also walking on three legs with a growing mass??

An answer soon came in another conversation about Nala where my husband restated that Nala's mass is likely an inflammation due to her over-compensation as she walks on three legs instead of four.   Internally, I went: “Hm”.  There is that word again: “over.”

Am I over-compensating? The puzzle piece fit quite nicely because by nature, I am also people pleaser.  By trying to solve everyone else's blame by fixing myself, I spin my wheels over and over in my attempts to be perfect while completely denying the fact that perfectionism in myself is unattainable. I then go further in these futile attempts, getting so bogged down trying to get the world to be satisfied and having matters settled.  I just like wrapping a bow on things and knowing the case is closed.

But, that’s not always life.  Sometimes, it seldom is.  Life is messy!  Bows are ripped up!  Debris is everywhere!  So, I’ve had to learn that people pleasing can’t always happen.  Perfectionism can't either.  Furthermore, I can’t live and breathe for another to be pleased. I can't live to be perfect for them. I can't hoist their blame on me in hopes to make it all better.  Linking my identity to pleasing the world and being perfect is like signing up for the kiss of death.  I just can’t do it.

So, in my recent sucker punch of spell-bounding thoughts of perfectionistic blame and over-compensation, I muddled through much mire.  But, then something happened as the Holy Spirit ushered in these words: 

“What made you think this is all your fault anyway?” 

Suddenly, the tornado inside stopped.  It’s like the moment Christ calmed the raging waves and winds.  Instantly, there was a hush and all was still.

©McNaughton Fine Art, American Art Gallery

Those words continue to circulate through my mind.  What started this mess anyway? Where in the world did I start thinking that everything was all my fault?  I don't really know, but what I have surmised is that I'm limping around and it's high time that I walk.  

This makes me wonder how often we all walk around with three legs instead of four. (Well, it's really two legs since we are technically human, but you get my point.)  Also like Nala, we’ve probably gotten really good at compensating the difference and probably have potentially forgotten what it is like to even have all our legs working.  Because somehow, we've subconsciously made choices to over-compensate so that we could avoid getting to the real issue.  And it’s when something else occurs, like Nala’s mass, that the red signal is thrown up and the issue blares with alarm to be addressed.

Why do we do this?  Maybe the pain at the time seems too tough to bear.  Or maybe, we are nervous about the costs, the road ahead, what it will do to the relationship.  Or, in my case, could it be that the issue forces us to realize that we are not perfect? 

And bonus, not only does the issue force us to realize it, but we are forced accept it.  These steps also involve forgiveness for oneself and if you have difficulty doing this, welcome to the club.  We almost need a creed to help us cope. 

In fact, let us make a creed now. How about trying this on for size:

• I can no longer walk around with a limp like a pup on three legs. 
• I have to accept ownership for what is actually my doing while refusing to heap everyone else’s responsibilities on my back.
• I have to accept that I am not perfect, but I know the One who is. 
• I have to accept that I AM HUMAN.  This means there will be mess-ups, blunders, catastrophic bad choices, blame and fault. 
• I have to address issues head on and also forgive myself with the same grace God gives.
• I must quit over analyzing and over+whatever and move the heck on.
• But even in my mistakes, I must remember that there is One who won’t leave me.  
• For I am guilty BUT pardoned.  I am, by nature, NOT perfect, but in Christ MADE perfect with His forgiveness.

Let's say it together: We all make mistakes.  We all mess up.  Everyone is at fault.  Everyone falls short.  Why? BECAUSE WE ARE ALL HUMAN!  And the good news is… God is NOT!

So, no matter what the issue is, take action.  Let us take our problem to the Great Physician knowing that it is high time to take our dogs(or problem) to the vet.  Granted, the issue may not just poof! go away.  But in time, the issue will progress.   And at some point, we’ll have to do our own deep dives into our soul and accept for ourselves that we are not perfect, giving glory to God that He is and His mercy is new every morning, (Lamentations 3:22-23).  

Blog content and photographs © 2013 Candice Irion.  All rights reserved.

Artwork © McNaughton Fine Art, American Art Gallery.

P.S.... Listen to "Great is They Faithfulness" below if you are needing to feel a little "new every morning" today.