WHEW!
Dodged a cart about to t-bone me.
ERRRRR!
My cart brakes slam to a halt
as the person stops suddenly in front of me.
And but of course...
WHACK!
Does my hand go on the steering wheel when the car in front of me just. won't. move!
AGH!!!
It wasn't any wonder that Brother Homer's mention of Proverbs 12:16, "Fools show their annoyance at once," rang over and over in my head on the recent excursion to Wal-Mart.
Because yes, it was an excursion.
Know the feeling?
Part way through I stopped myself and said: I'm tired. What?
Yes, I was out of breath and ready to get the heck out of dodge for this trip was nothing less than pure stressful.
The prologue of my story begins with me wearing heels. Need I say more?
Why in the heck would I not pack tennis shoes for the journey? And boy did my feet hurt!
I really should have planned for this because I know I'm going to walk at least 1.5 miles throughout the store and then another half mile after I've been in the long check-out line when I remember: "Dang. I forgot the creamer" and have to go all the way to the back of the store to hunt it down.
**Note to self**: pack stupid tennis shoes in the car. Or spend the $5 and get them at Wal-Mart.
So, without further adieu, here is:
Candice's Top Five Rants
on Trying to Survive Wal-Mart
See if you concur. (:
First. Too much stuff, too many people.
The aisles that are needed to actually, you know, move around in are filled with tons of stuff. It is near impossible to maneuver down the current of people and into a lane. Then, once you've successfully made it into the lane without getting hit, (or so you thought), you find yourself starring ahead to a full aisle of people wondering how to weave around everyone.
On this particular trip, I came across a blank aisle and had no need to go down it, but went forth just to take a breather.
But soon enough, the crowds cometh. I had to get out.
There is nothing that drives me crazier than people who stand in my way and are completely and utterly clueless as they gaulk at all the pretty lights (a.k.a. whatever is in front of them).
Move people.... plllllleeeaasse?
(Ok... I know this is selfish and I should be more patient, kind, resilient--anything but how I am acting--... but somehow all of this evaporates after about 5 gawlkers. Maybe next time, my threshold will reach to 6 gawlkers....... Likelihood? Fat Chance.)
Third. Oh, third. I just don't understand third.
Why, tell me, WHY, in the samhill is one of the biggest and richest companies in the world ALWAYS short staffed? Is this how they cut corners and make the dough? I mean SERIOUSLY! Could you hire like 2 more people and put them in the checkout lanes?
It seems that every single time I go to whichever Wal-Mart throughout the nation that they have 28+ lanes with 5 cashiers open. Sometimes I'll give you 10.
It makes absolutely NO sense why THIS would be the corner Wal-Mart cuts. They could boost the economy that they benefit so highly off of by just giving 2 more people a job.
PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU! HIRE MORE ASSOCIATES!!!
(Or just give the ones you have more hours!)
Four. Yeah. Well.
Then we head to the parking lot and all bets are off here. If my blistering frustration wasn't enough by the time I get to my safe zone (my car) where I can sigh a humongous breath of relief, the EXACT moment I want to reverse my car--even if I'm in the furthest parking spot away--someone walks RIGHT BEHIND my car. AGH!!!!
To boot, they have three kids.
Kids that are going everywhere.
Kids that they aren't watching.
Just let me out people, please.
Just let me out! (Pathetic whimpers are cried here...)
My thoughts exactly.
And then there is FIVE. The battle of the carts.
It's like the freight train of carts decides the best time to wheel through the parking lot is right after I'm trying to reverse yet again which is finally after the family took their sweet ol' time to pass my car.
All I want to do is go. Just let me out!!!
But no.
100 carts + cart tower + cart associate needs to get by. ...
.... ..... ....
.... ..... ....
..................................
.......................
(that's me staring blankly in disbelief).
I mean, what is Wal-Mart really trying to do? They already sucked me in once! I already have purchased more than I came to get!!! You have my money!! Why are you now trying to keep me here?
Why me?? Why? Why? Why?!?!?!?!!!!
(More pathetic whimpering...)
Ok, ok, ok..... So after I've somewhat gotten a grip and removed myself and my vehicle off the premises by speeding as fast as I could out of the windy lot (dodging more people and more carts and hopefully not getting a ticket), I find relief as I get on the road home. Until there is traffic, or one more red light, or.... sigh. I give up. I only have so much hair to pull out!!!
You know what I mean??
Sadly, yes. You do know what I mean because it is on any given Sunday, day around a Holiday, day around a major weather system or frankly just any day, Wal-Mart is like this. Surviving the Supercenter seems to be an American experience that while is supposed to be pleasurable, it just downright difficult.
But it shouldn't be so bad. We are SO INCREDIBLY FORTUNATE that a major distributor stocks all this stuff for us to purchase so cheaply and even puts a grocery store in at the same location for our convenience.
They offer flu shots, kind nurses to administer the shots, eye exams, hair salons, to-go food and more. There are a lot of good things that happen at Wal-Mart.
In fact, there really isn't anything that can truly match Wal-Mart and a store like this really doesn't exist isn't everywhere in the world. I didn't see one in Zimbabwe when I was there filming a documentary. Didn't see one in the Ukraine either. Nor on the rivers of the Amazon... although that might be rather unique... sailing to the Wal-Mart entrance... I digress.
We are very fortunate that we, as Americans, can have access to all this stuff. We are blessed without measure and we don't even realize it.
Maybe since we see it all the time, we don't even consider that people can't even get the opportunity to go to Wal-Mart if they wanted to.
Further, the funds we have to purchase anything at Wal-Mart, that is a blessing too.
All this to say...
I want to love to go Wal-Mart.
It's true! I want to come out of there feeling like "Gee, what a refreshing time" instead of trying to talk myself out of pulling a Madea because of the fifteen other unmentioned grievances from just trying to get by.
Mabel "Madea" Simmons about to go get somebody.
You need to see this too. I promise it will make you feel better. At least you'll crack a smile.
People of Wal-Mart! I ask you, why does this have to be a love-hate relationship? Why can't it be love-love? Just like Target. I'm sorry W-M, I have to say that I love going to Target. I don't feel stressed--for whatever, unbeknownst reason-- and enjoy it. I get this "ahhh" zing! feeling just thinking about it. It's kind of that feeling when a peppermint first hits your mouth.
Ahhhh... circles of happiness.
Now that I'm thinking about a peppermint and Target, doesn't the photo somewhat resemble one?
Bottom line....
For all of Wal-Mart's marketing, merchandising and moving the stuff back and forth all over the store, I wish the Wal-Mart experience wasn't: "I gotta go to Wal-Mart" (cue soundeffects of feet drudging to the door). I wish it was more like the zing! peppermint feeling.
Not to mention some of the rudest people shop there and there are rarely associates available or even findable to help you.... and when they do, they hardly know where to find the mound of stuff.... Ugh, I digress yet again....
So if I haven't said enough, you probably already know what else needs to be said from your own experience.
But let us join together and ask Wal-Mart..... PLEASE HELP OUR SHOPPING EXPERIENCE BE BETTER. WE ALREADY LIKE SO MUCH OF WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER... EXCEPT FOR ACTUALLY HAVING TO BE THERE.
And one more thing...
I seriously think the t.v. show Survivor should save budget money and staff themselves at Wal-Marts during a Black Friday or during the first of the month when paychecks are cut.
That would be a real reality show.
I think the show's ratings would even hit the roof because you want drama?
FIRE!
There goes the customer torching
another for walking in the wrong way.
You want comedy?
SLAM!
There goes my cart wheels locking up and
sailing right into the paper kiosk stand
knocking down the whole thing over.
Or how about action?
SNAP!
There goes my side when I get T-Boned
after looking both ways and
turning my cart into the intersection of the three aisles.
Ambulance anyone?
Get the picture?
Exactly.
It ain't pretty.
So, Survivor, ditch the bug/insect eating and please go somewhere from where we can all learn....
How to Survive the Supercenter!
Or, in the meantime, take Brother Homer's advice:
Fools show their annoyance at once,
but the prudent overlook an insult.
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