Day 5 v.2012

Isaiah 42:16: "I will make darkness light before them"
Isaiah 41:18: "I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.  I will plant in the wilderness the cedar and the acacia tree, The myrtle and the oil tree; I will set in the desert the cypress tree and the pine and the box tree together, that they may see and know, and consider and understand together, that the hand of the Lord has done this And the Holy One of Israel has created it."

I needed Isaiah this morning.  I needed to hear that God will take darkness, my darkness and turn it into light.

There are times in all of our lives where life is muddy, murky, scary, unknown.  Purpose seems distant.  The joy of life has grown dim.  The clouds of depression loom.  It's the winter season in our lives.

Winter usually symbolizes a death... where the passing of the foliage, leaves and the outdoors sheds it's "skin" and lays dormant until the warmth of the sun invigorates the springtime.  But not God's version of winter.  Winter, to Him, is the cusp of renewal.  It is the time of rerooting, removing the old and renovation.

I reflect on the "winter" seasons of my life.  As cold and chilly and harsh winds that I've had, all I really remember is the feeling of the warmth of renewal.  Just as a little seedling nestles into the ground to brave the rough, blistery cold, I sense that.  I remember myself taking shelter from the storms around me; trying to find hope somewhere.  I re-rooted myself in His word, evaluated things I could change and replaced old things with new.  But, above all, I simply remember the feelings of the warmth of a new dawn and the relaxation that spring would indeed come.

According to Webster, the word indeed means: "without question or in reality".    So, without question, winter will turn into spring.  Without question, God will take the brutal things we face and bring light out of them.  Without question, things will warm up, turn around and become new.

So what do we do in the meantime? If we are that seedling, then we do what it does:  grow roots.  In dark times, plant yourself in God's word.  Renew your mind and continue to grow, even though you feel like you are spinning your wheels and driving your head into a brick wall, over and over and over again.

Ask me how I know.  I have dreams and hopes and aspirations.  What's going on with them? Day 5 is a hard day because I feel like I'm in the winter.  I'm a freelancer and I was hoping to be the financial provider while my husband is in school.  Not happening like I thought.  Questions loom and my only answer is "I don't know."  I'm suffocated by my own inabilities, weaknesses, fears, doubts and anything else that alludes a negative edge to my persona.  I have this dream of my screenplay helping to change lives and the only thing stopping me is God's call for me to wait on the money.  I've searched high and low for it and it seems to be nowhere.  Attempt after attempt to get a lot of involvement seems as fruitful as trying to jump start a low battery.  I'm trying to get my house in order and as soon as I unload another box and I'm exhausted that there is always one more around the blasted corner.

What is the deal? Is life just life-zapping, miserable and bleak?  Yes.  And it's called "winter".  Winters can be long.  They can be short.  But, they are a period of time and a matter of perspective.  There is a spring that is around the corner.  That's a fact.  After winter, there is spring.  I don't control the order of seasons.  That is placed for us.  Thank goodness .  Because I need spring to come.  Don't you?

As much as I'd like to wallow in my overcast perspective, I have a little candle that still burns deep within and without fail, it ignites the "press on" switch.   Maybe winter wouldn't be so dark if I wasn't looking at all the mud on my face and turned my vision to Christ; the One who makes all things new.  Things aren't roses.  But His word tells me that He will change this darkness into the light.  So I do have hope.  And you do too.

Maybe Day 6 will be better.  Maybe not.  But regardless of the weather outside or inside me, I still have God's word which promises that He will provide (Matt. 6).  I still have His love, that nothing can or will take away. (Rom 8:38-39).  I still may I have the "I don't know" answer to everything that presses in right now.  But I know the One who does.

So, I'll ask for His wisdom to figure it out.  I'll shove all of my inabilities, doubts, fears, everything into a box and slide it over to Him and say "take it."  I can't carry this.  But He can.  I'll turn my eyes away from all the questions that loom and put in front of me "He turns darkness into light".  And I'll accept the "I don't know".  It's not so scary when you know the One who does, because He is carrying you through.  Sometimes I don't feel Him carrying me.  I don't see it.  I may doubt it.  But He is there.  And the spring will indeed come.